


Dont Let Me Go

by RioRiley



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Lung Cancer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27093556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RioRiley/pseuds/RioRiley
Summary: based on "Don't Let me Go" by Harry Edward Styles.Louis is sick. He's dying. And he doesn't want to be alone anymore. Harry is there, of course. And eventually so are the other boys.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

Harry stands in his and Louis' kitchen, chopping the zucchini and yellow squash for their dinner. Louis stands behind him, on his tiptoes, kissing the back of Harry's neck, when Louis' phone rings.

They'd both been to the hospital earlier, for their yearly checkups, nothing out of the ordinary. But it's definitely not normal for the doctor to call after the fact. But he does. Harry's heart skips a beat when he sees the hospital on the caller ID. Louis answers without missing a beat. He doesn't have the same worry Harry is feeling. 

The feeling doesn't last though. Louis argues a little on the phone, asking why the hospital associate on the other end can't give him the information they have over the phone. He hangs up the phone after three minutes, and looks at Harry defeated.

"They, uh, found some abnormalities in my scans, and want me to come in tomorrow to go over them." Louis takes a deep breath. 

Harry takes a deep breath.

"Okay. Then we'll go. It's going to be okay." Harry says softly. Louis just shrugs.

"I know the doctor she said I'll be meeting with. He's an oncologist. He worked with my mum." Louis says softly.

"Oh God." Harry says softly. He turns off the burner on the stove, and pushes the pan aside, before turning around, and grabbing Louis. He pulls him in close, and wraps his long arms around him tightly.

"M' scared." Louis says softly.

"Maybe it's not so bad though Lou. Let's not assume the worst before we even know what's going on." Harry tries to console.

There are moments in life, when it feels like time stands still. It stood still the first time Harry saw Louis. It stood still the first time they kissed, and when they got married.

It feels like the entire world stands still the next day when the doctor tells them that Louis has a large, inoperable tumor in his lung. He says the ugly words, and Louis' knees start to shake. Harry is sitting next to him in front of the doctors desk. Louis' face falls, frozen, hearing the words. Harry looks at him, looks at his trembling knee, and puts his hand on Louis' leg. It doesn't stop the shaking, but Harry hopes Louis at least appreciates the contact. 

"Louis, there are a lot of options for you for treatments. We've caught this early enough that there is no reason to give up hope." The doctor says reassuringly.

Louis nods. Harry knows looking at him that he's not paying attention anymore. It's one of those moments where he is glad that no matter how much he loves Louis, he can't read his thoughts. He knows it would be dark. Harry sits, listening to the things the doctor has to say, knowing he will have to relay the information to Louis again when he's ready to hear it. Harry knows that no matter how much he wants to crumble right alongside Louis, right now more than ever, he needs to be strong. He needs to push his emotions aside, and help Louis. So that's what he does. He sits and listens to everything the doctor has to say, about treatments, chemotherapy, and the side effects of having a tumor in his lungs, what it will mean for Louis. He tells them it won't be pretty. That he's going to be in a lot of pain, and will most likely be dependent on oxygen at some point during the process.

"Will I still be able to sing?" Louis asks softly. Harry is shocked that he's been listening, regardless of the possibility that he wasn't listening and his mind is just running all over. Of course Louis of all people would still give a shit about singing.

"For now yes, but if the tumor gets much bigger, it will be one difficult for your lungs to be able to take in enough air to carry a tune." The doctor says sympathetically. Louis nods, and Harry knows his attention has wandered off to other corners of his beautiful brain. “You can still sing, as long as you want to, you just need to be able to recognize your body’s limits.”

The doctor goes over a few more details, before standing up, and shaking Harry’s hand. He reaches out for Louis’, but Louis doesn't take it. He just nods, and gives the doctor a quiet thanks. Harry takes Louis’ hand, and leads him out of the office, down the elevator, and out to the suv, where a driver is waiting to pick them up. He expects Louis to crumble once they are in the privacy of the van, but he doesn't. He doesn't say much of anything on the way back home, hardly even looks at Harry the whole drive. Harry understands. He's not mad, or even vaguely upset about the lack of conversation. He just sits next to Louis, holds his hand, and lets Louis rest his head on his shoulder. Once the driver drops them off back at their apartment, Harry knows what's coming. He knows as soon as they get through those doors, Louis will break down. 

He’s wrong.

Louis doesn't cry at first. He gets through the front door, and goes to the kitchen, washing their dishes, and clearing off the pan from the dinner they didn't eat the night before.He still won't look at Harry, Harry thinks it's because that eye contact will be what breaks him. Louis loads the dishes into their dishwasher, and finally looks up at Harry. Harry holds his arms out, and watches as Louis' face falls, his bottom lip beginning to quiver. Harry takes the initiative of moving towards Louis first, and holds him tightly into his chest. Louis is shaking, and Harry’s heart is breaking. Louis is sobbing now, creating a wet spot on Harry's blouse. Harry holds Louis tighter, and even though Harry isn’t the one with cancer in his lungs, it's getting harder for him to breathe.

It's only days later when they are sitting underneath the blinding lights of the hospital. There’s a nurse, standing at Louis’ bedside, explaining the “simple” surgical procedure that Louis is undergoing in a matter of minutes to place a port underneath his skin above his left nipple, to give his doctors easier access to his veins to start chemotherapy. The procedure only takes about ten minutes, and once Louis is out, the nurse shows Harry the incision. It looks like a rock implanted in his skin. The nurses insist that it isn't going to cause Louis any discomfort. Harry doesn't see how that's possible just looking at it.

They waste no time between placing the post and starting Louis on chemotherapy the next day. Harry’s there in his room, after the first night of sleeping alone, as soon as visiting hours start, and not even fifteen minutes later, a nurse is there in his room, with the bags of poison. The biohazard labels on the bags glare at the two boys, absolutely terrifying.Harry holds Louis hand as the nurse inserts the needle into his port, and notices that Louis flinches slightly once the needle is inserted, and keeps his eyes shut tightly long after the nurse has left the room, the poison dripping at a uniform pace into his i.v. 

“You know I love you right?” Harry asks softly. Louis nods slightly. He opens his eyes, and Harry kisses him gently on his forehead. “You’re going to be okay.” Harry says softly. Louis nods again. Neither of them are really sure about any of it.

“ ‘m cold.” Louis says softly.

“I can go get one of the nurses to bring one of those heated blankets for you?” Harry asks. Louis smiles, and shakes his head.

“I just want you.” Louis says softly.

“Are you sure?” Harry asks.

“You won't break me. Promise.” Louis says with a little laugh. Harry nods, and climbs into the bed with Louis gently. Louis wraps his arms around Harry, and buries his face in his chest. Harry is surprised at how quickly Louis is able to fall asleep in his arms, considering how bright the lights are.

There are a lot of things Harry absolutely hates about Louis being sick. He hates seeing the pain in his eyes. He hates knowing Louis is afraid, and knowing that he is too afraid to tell Harry about it. He hates knowing there is nothing he can do to make Louis better. He hated being the one to make the phone calls, to Louis’ sisters, telling them he is sick. Hated the broken sobs that came out of Lottie on the other end of the phone. He hated being the one to tell Liam, and Niall. He hated that he didn't really care how Zayn found out, and that he didn't argue when Liam had offered to be the one to tell him. He hates going home alone at night, after visiting hours have ended. Seeing their bed, their bed that's meant for both of them to be sleeping in it. He’s so tired of sleeping alone, and he’s only had to do it a few times. He knows that he has many more lonely nights left before all of this is over. He hates that too.   
Most of all he hates that this is happening to Louis, and not himself. God, he wishes he could take this away from Louis.

He goes home, after the second treatment, and sighs as he sits down on their bed. Today had been a hard day for Louis. He spent most of the day being nauseous, and having a headache from hell. He hasn't gotten to the point of throwing up yet, but Harry is convinced that he just might feel better if he gave into the nausea and maybe he could like, vomit out all the toxins. He knows that's not how it works. But it would have been easier, he thinks.

He looks over, by Louis’ side of the bed. There’s a picture of the two of them on his nightstand, from back in their x factor days. It was the first picture they took, just the two of them. They were so young. So immature. So in love. God, he wishes he could go back in time to tell those two boys that hiding was going to be worth it in the end, that there would come a time when they could come out without repercussions, that the contracts they were put under wouldn't last forever, that someday they would be able to get married, that someday they would be able to be free.

It's another two days, before Louis’ doctors allow him to come home for the weekend, before he starts his second round of treatment. He’s only been on the treatments for about a week, but Harry can already start to see the toll it's taking on Louis. His eyes are dark, with big bags underneath them. Louis has a hard time sleeping in the hospital when Harry isn't there, but when he is there, Louis fights to stay awake so that he doesn't miss out on time with Harry. Harry hopes to god that he will be able to get some sleep this weekend, and maybe Harry can sweet talk the doctors into letting him stay in Louis' room, you know, for the benefit of Louis’ health and what not.

Harry walks Louis through the front of their apartment, his arm wrapped around Louis middle. He’s exhausted and Harry can feel it.

“Hey, love, let's go take a rest.” Harry says softly. Louis shakes his head.

“I don't wanna sleep.” He says softly.

“Babe, you need to get some rest. I promise, if you sleep well today, and tonight, then we can do anything but sleep tomorrow. We’ll do whatever you're up for. You just have to get some rest. Please.” Harry says softly. He knows it might be a little manipulative to talk to Louis like that. Knows that Louis would never even consider saying no to him. Louis agrees, as expected.

“Fine, but you'll be carrying me up the stairs.” Louis says with a little sass.

“Are you that tired?” Harry asks. Louis shakes his head.

“No, but if you're going to force me into taking a nap, I figure I might as well get something out of it.” Louis says with a tired wink. Harry laughs, and leans down, to grab Louis, carrying him up the stairs to their bedroom like a bride. He lays Louis down on their bed, and climbs in next to him, wrapping his arms around Louis. Louis falls asleep quickly. Harry doesn't. He just watches Louis, taking in how he looks now, knowing the toll the chemo will have on Louis is only bound to get worse. He keeps his eyes wide open, watching Louis as he sleeps, watching the way his nostrils flare when he takes in a deep breath. His arms stay tightly wrapped around Louis, taking in his warmth, taking in his presence. Harry eventually adjusts himself, and makes way to get out of the bed, and starts getting their dinner ready. Louis wakes up immediately.

“Don't let me go.” Louis says softly.

“Lou, i've got to go get dinner ready.” Harry says softly.

“Please don't let me go, i'm so tired of being alone.” Louis says softly. Harry nods, and climbs back into the bed, now more than willing to just order take out. Hell, he would much rather spend his time laying in this bed with Louis than spend it chopping up cabbages. This bed was meant for the two of them, and they may as well make good use of that.

On the second day when Louis is back admitted to the hospital for his next round of treatment, he calls Harry, to say that his hair has started falling out. Harry knows he's crying on the other end, as he asks Harry to come to the hospital once he gets out of the business meeting he’s in, and bring their clippers to the hospital. Harry is in a meeting with Gucci, which he quickly leaves, bypassing their apartment, because it's not on the way to the hospital. He decides he will just go buy another pair of clippers from the store. Louis needs him, and even though he knows it won't hurt to take the twenty minute detour to their home compared to the ten minutes he will take at the store, he wants to be there.

He grabs the first pair of clippers he sees on the shelf at the convenience store nearest to the hospital, grabs it and heads straight for the check out. There's magazines near the register. It's nice, knowing that for now, his and Louis’ faces aren't on any of them. It's nice knowing that for now, the whole world doesn't know that Louis is really sick. That for now, they can have peace.

That night, Harry walks into the hospital room, Louis is asleep in his hospital bed, and Harry can see the little stray hairs laying on his pillow like confetti. Harry walks in, and sits next to his bed, planting a kiss on Louis’ hand, the one that doesn't have the little finger pulse monitor on it. Louis wakes up, and smiles at Harry.

“Im really sorry darling.” Harry says softly, looking at Louis' hair on the pillow. Louis shrugs.

“It's okay.” He says softly. “I look pretty good with short hair. This won't be so bad. It’ll just look like that one time Liam went and shaved off his hair.” Louis tries to crack a joke, but it doesn't hit the same. Liam cut his hair out of protest, whereas Louis, does not have much of a choice. Harry and Louis kiss. It's not gentle. It's rough, and desperate. Harry tugs on Louis’ hair while they kiss, just like he always has, and it takes everything in him not to shudder when a little clump of it comes away, tangled in his long fingers.  
“You’ve got the clippers yeah?” Louis asks. Harry nods. Louis sits up in the bed. “Will you help me into the bathroom?” He asks. “It’ll probably be easier to clean up in there than it will be in here.” Louis explains. Harry nods, and grabs Louis’ hands, pulling him out of the bed, kissing the top of his head again, before they make their slow journey to the hospital bathroom. Louis stands in front of the mirror, and takes the clippers from Harrys hands, plugging them in. 

“Did you go get a new one?” Louis asks. Harry nods.

“I didn't want to waste time driving all the way back home. I wanted to get here as soon as I could.” Harry explains with his slow drawl.

“God, I love you.” Louis says. He hands the clippers back to harry.

“You want me to?” Harry asks. Louis nods, and Harry watches a tear slide down his cheek. Harry kisses Louis’ lips, before he turns on the clippers, and holds Louis’ head gently, as he guides the buzzing clippers along Louis’ head, watching as his soft brown hair falls to the ground, covering their bare toes. It doesn't take much time for Harry to get all of Louis’ hair, and once he does, Harry notices that Louis refuses to look at himself in the mirror. He turns towards Harry, Louis's broken heart met by a look of determination in Harry's eyes, and Louis knows. He knows exactly what Harry is about to do.

“Harry.” Louis says softly. Harry kisses the top of Louis’ head, before he turns back on the clippers and takes them to his own long, thick, curly hair, the curly locks falling like an offering at Louis’ feet. The hair Harry used to braid. The hair Louis used to pull on when they had sex. Louis watches as it falls. Watches as the hair that Harry used to care about so much, floats to the ground. There’s so much of it. Now, Louis is sobbing, and he sinks to the ground. Harry is quicker, pulling Louis into his lap. Harry brushes Louis tears off of his cheeks, and kisses his wet skin.

“Why would you do that?” Louis asks, crying harder.

“My lou, I need you to understand. I need you to understand that I won’t make you do this alone. I will fight to make sure you're not alone anymore. I dont give a damn about the visiting hours, as far as I am concerned, they do not apply to me anymore.” Harry says, heartbroken, but confident and firm.

“I love you.” Louis says softly. “Oh god, I love you. Come here. Lemme feel your head.” Harry smiles, and leans his head down, letting Louis run his fingers over it. 

“We’re like, uh, twins or something.” Harry laughs.

“Clearly the identical kind.” Louis laughs. 

“I love you.” Harry says softly. “How have you been feeling?”  
“It's been getting harder.” Louis admits. Harry isn't shocked, but he hates knowing that this is the first time he has heard that Louis hasn't been doing well. “The chemo makes me feel like complete shit.”

“How many more do you have?” Harry asks.

“Three more cycles, which means fifteen rounds.” Louis says.

“That's a lot.” Harry says softly. Louis nods.

“Yeah.” Louis says softly. “Zayn called today.” He says abruptly. Harry is surprised.

“Oh?” He asks. “And how did that go?” 

“He apologised for a lot of it.” Louis takes a deep breath. “I know he meant it all this time.” Louis says.

“Good. I'm glad.” Harry says softly. “Have any of the other boys called?” He asks.

“Liam texts me everyday to check in. Niall has called a couple times. They've both offered to come up for a visit. I thought that might be a good time. It’ll be like the One Direction reunion. Gotta give the people what they really want.” Louis says. Harry nods.

“You should invite Zayn to come, if the other boys are up too.” Harry says softly, almost mumbling.

“Yeah. That’d be the right thing to do.” Louis admits. “But you and I both know if people catch on that all five of us are at the same location they are going to know something is seriously wrong with one of us.” Louis says. “After your stunt with the clippers, I'm going to let them believe it's something wrong with you for as long as possible.” Louis winks. Harry kisses the top of his head again.

“So when are you planning on letting them come?” Harry asks innocently.

“I told them I wont be sick for very long, and i'd rather see them when I am well. So my plan is to have a big ‘louis is cancer free’ party with all of them.” Louis says confidently.

“I like that idea.” Harry says kissing his cheek.

“But, if things don't go well, I still want to meet up with all of them, before it's all over.” Louis admits softly.

“Oh.” Harry says a little shocked. “Okay.”

“I think I’ll make it.” Louis says. “But if I don't, i don't want to go without seeing them all and saying goodbye, you know?” Louis says softly.

“Yeah. That makes sense.”Harry says. “Good thing we don't really have to plan for that though, because you're going to kick cancer in the ass.” Harry says. Louis kisses his cheek.

Harry convinces the doctors to let him sleep on the little couch in Louis' room. It's funny too, at least Louis thinks so, seeing Harry, with his long and lanky frame, trying to cram himself onto the tiny hospital loveseat each night. But he does it without even the smallest complaint.

Harry wakes up one night suddenly, after having been sleeping in the hospital with Louis for several months. Normally, Harry wakes up throughout the night whenever the nurses come into Louis’ room to check on his vitals. But when he wakes up this time, there aren't any nurses in the room, and when he looks over, Louis isn’t in his bed. Harry stands up quickly.

“Lou?” He asks quietly, into the darkness when he notices the light vomiting in from Louis’ bathroom. He knocks on the door, right before he starts to hear Louis’ retching. It's a bad night for Louis. Harry opens the door softly, and finds Louis kneeling in front of the toilet, gripping the sides of the porcelain as though his life depends on it. He’s always hooked up to his iv pole now, for fluids or whatnot, and the pole is pushed off to the side of the toilet, near the shower. He’s only got his boxers on, and Harry can see his spine, swears he could count each vertebrae if he wanted to. There's not a single hair left on Louis’ body, absolutely anywhere. Not even a stray eyelash. It's all gone, and if he’s being honest, which he never is on the subject, Louis looks a little alien. He goes back into the main part of Louis’ room, and grabs a small, thin blanket, and some of the nicer towels Harry brought from their home before going back into the bathroom with Louis. He drapes the blanket over Louis’ shoulders, and sits behind Louis, rubbing his back, waiting for the moment when Louis has a break from the nausea and sinks into him as he usually does. Louis’ biceps are shaking as he grips the toilet tightly, Harry watches his ribs expand dramatically with each painful retch. Harry rubs his shoulders, massaging them, hoping it might be able to bring Louis a little bit of comfort. He knows that right now, comfort is a lost cause for Louis, but it's worth a shot.

“Sorry.” Louis says softly, barely audible, barely above a whisper.

“For what?” Harry asks, genuinely confused.

“Sorry you have to see me like this.” Louis says softly.

“Oh, don’t be. I still think you’re absolutely ravishing.” Harry says with a small laugh, kissing Louis’ shoulder blade before Louis vomits again.

“Want me to call in one of the nurses to get you some anti nausea meds?” Harry asks lovingly. Louis nods, and Harry goes back to Louis’ hospital bed, and pushes the nurse call button.

His nurses give him some quick response anti nausea medication through his port and he’s feeling better within about ten minutes. Harry helps him back to the hospital bed, helps him to lay down, and watches the nurses hook up some high dose fluids to his iv pole, so that he doesn't become dehydrated from all the vomiting. Harry sits down on the couch, that he has pushed closer to Louis’ bed, he looks down for just a second, and when he looks up, Louis is having a seizure. The nurses are frantic, turning on the lights, and pushing their pagers to get more nurses in the room. Harry is absolutely terrified. The entire thing is so scary. Louis is just laying there, shaking, trembling, and his eyes are open, but he isn't really looking anywhere. Harry looks towards one of the nurses.

“What's happening to him?” Harry asks, yelling.

“Someone get him out of here!” Another nurse yells before Harry is escorted out of the room and into the hallway.

The nurse who led him into the hall looks at him sympathetically. “Louis is having a seizure. Often this is a sign of cancer spreading to the brain.” She says softly. She places her hand on Harry’s shoulder, before returning into the room quickly, followed by several doctors, including Louis’ oncologist.

Harry doesn't know what to do.

So, he calls Niall. And he knows it's late, way past an acceptable time to call someone, but between Niall, Liam, and Zayn, Niall is his best shot for someone who will actually answer the phone. Then again, now that Louis has cancer, he would be surprised if anyone didn't answer his calls late at night.

“Hey, Haz, is everything okay?” Niall asks as soon as he answers the phone.

“They made me leave the room Ni.” Harry says through tears.

“What's going on Haz?” Niall asks calmly, starting to show signs of worry in his tone.

“He’s having a seizure Ni. They said his cancer has probably spread to his brain.” Harry says through more and more tears.

“Fuck.” Niall says softly. “You’re in London right?” 

“Yeah.” Harry says softly.

“Haz, i'll be over in twenty minutes alright?” Niall says quickly. “Can I bring you anything? Tea? Whiskey?” 

“A coffee would be nice.” Harry says softly. 

“You’ve got it.” Niall says softly.

Niall is good on his word, and is to the hospital in twenty minutes, with a coffee in hand, the way Harry has always taken his coffee. Two sugars and milk. Niall is there, just before Louis’ doctor comes out to explain to Harry that the seizures, as in multiple, back to back, have stopped, and that they need to take Louis in for an MRI, to see if the cancer has in fact spread to his brain. Niall is there, as the nurses wheel Louis’ bed out of his room, and Harry kisses his unconscious forehead. Niall is there, as Harry crumples to the ground, and breaks down in tears. Niall is there, when the doctor returns, before they have even brought Louis back to his room, to confirm that there is a mass in Louis’ brain. He’s there to hear Harry cry out in absolute heartbreak and agony, knowing that Louis, the love of Harry’s life, is absolutely going to die and there is nothing he can do about it regardless of how much he wishes that there was.

Niall isn't in the room, once Louis is awake, and Harry has the responsibility of telling Louis what's going on. He doesn't want to overwhelm Louis with his presence but assures Harry that he is only a phone call away, and he will drop anything and everything to be there whenever Harry needs him. Niall was always a great friend.

“What's going on?” Louis asks softly, groggy.

“You had a seizure Louis.” Harry says, running his hand through his own hair, which is starting to grow back.

“Why?” Louis asks. Harry clears his throat.

“The cancer has spread to your brain Lou.” Harry says softly.

“That means i'm dying, doesn't it?” Louis asks Harry. Harry nods.

“Well, fuck.” Louis says softly. Harry starts to cry. His chin is shaking. “C’mere love.” Louis pats his side.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Harry says softly.

“I know. I know you don't, I don't want to leave you either, I promise.” Louis says softly.

“So does this all mean I don't have to do chemo anymore?” Louis asks. Harry nods his head again.

“Alright. Well, then as soon as we can, let's go home.” Louis suggests. Harry nods, and Louis holds him tightly. He coughs a little. That's normal now. It doesn't even alarm Harry anymore. 

“Haz.” Louis says softly. Harry looks up at him. “I will love you forever.”  
“I love you Lou. Always my Lou.” Harry says softly.

“What are we gonna do?” Louis asks.

“We could go rent a nice home on a beach somewhere. Go somewhere warm? You've always loved the ocean.” Harry says gently. Louis nods.

“Yeah. Let's do that. We can invite the other boys along after a bit of alone time. We could spend a week, just you and me, and then they can come until it's over.” Louis says.

“You don't want it to be just me and you in the end?” Harry asks. Louis shakes his head.

“I can't let you be alone when I'm gone. I need them there for you.” Louis says. Harry nods, beginning to cry again. He’s always been so good at hiding his tears from Louis, but tonight his efforts are hopeless. Louis grabs Harry’s chin, and tilts his head to look at him, and Louis starts to sing. It's breathy, and a little slower than he normally goes. “If I could fly..” Louis starts with a sad smile. “I’d be coming right back home to you. I think I might give up everything just ask me to.” Louis holds Harry's hand.

The next day, Louis starts making phone calls. He calls Lottie, and his other sisters. He calls Lou Teasdale, and all the others he needs to get his goodbyes out to now. Then he calls the other boys, one by one, saying goodbye, and asking them to come with him and Harry to stay in a rental for a more proper goodbye. He calls Zayn first of the boys. He tells him he is sorry that he wasn't more understanding. He tells him how sorry he was for not trying to understand Zayns perspective. He tells him he was sorry, for blaming him for the band falling apart. That he was sorry for not inviting him to their wedding. Zayn is quick to accept the invitation to stay with him and Harry. He thanks Liam, for being there for him. For being his best friend. He thanks him for always sticking by him, for always benign willing to talk. He thanks him for not giving up on him and helping him to see how important it was for him to chase after Harry. He thanks Niall, just for being Niall. He thanks him for caring. He thanks him for being there for Harry, and for believing in the two of them. He thanks him for always being the bridge between the boys after the split. There is a small part of Louis, that knows those will be his final goodbyes.

They go home a couple of days later, and start looking to book a home, alongside the ocean. They book one in Norway near Archipelago, that costs nearly $700 american dollars a night. It's a beautiful property, nice and private, allowing Harry the time he needs alone with Louis. They fly in on a wednesday, and invite the other boys to come on the following friday, giving them just over a week, just the two of them. It's calm. They spend the time just relaxing, they float in the nearby ocean, and sit on the beach. They watch movies, and watch the sun set each night, and rise each morning.They just love each other. There’s a lot of sex involved, of course. But mostly they just lay with each other. Louis sleeps on Harry's chest. He traces his finger over his tattoos. They sing little songs, and write some new ones. Louis’ health continues to decline. He sleeps more, he stops eating. He has frequent seizures, and often feels as though he can not breathe. 

On wednesday, two days before the other boys are meant to join them, Louis posts online a photo of him and Harry laying in the bed overlooking the ocean. In the caption, he announces he has been diagnosed with cancer several months before. He writes that he is terminal, that his time is limited, and that he is thankful for everyone who has made his time on earth something special. He thanks the fans. He thanks his friends, and family. He thanks his lover. He asks people to give his people the space and time they need, before he goes, and after he's gone. Then he turns his phone off. Harry does the same.

Friday morning, Louis sleeps in later than usual. It's nearly noon, the boys are supposed to get there in two hours. Louis hasn't woken up yet, and Harry comes to understand that he isn't going to wake up this time. He climbs in bed with Louis, lays his head on his chest, and listens to the steady rhythm of Louis’ heartbeat. He holds him tight. He listens as his breathing gets ragged. Listens as Louis begins to struggle to breathe. All the things the doctors had prepared Harry to have happen are happening now. Then his heart stops.  
“LOU?” Harry screams, just as he hears the front door open. Liam runs up the stairs, to find Harry in the master bedroom, holding Louis, who is no longer living. Liam climbs onto the bed with them, and wraps his arms around Harry, holding him tight, as Niall and Zayn both look on in anguish.

“Harry. He’s gone isn't he?” Zayn asks gently. Louis’ eyes are closed. His mouth is in a slight smile. His arms, that seemed to always instinctively wrap around Harry, are now lying limp on the bed.

“NO!” Harry cries. “Please don't leave Lou.You promised you wouldn't leave! Please don't let me go.”


	2. Note

Hey! So I'm in college, and I've written an actual book. Like paper. Physical copy book. I have lived writing on Ao3, and I owe the world to my people here who have read the things I have written. It means the world.

Check out my book:   
https://www.blurb.com/b/10367532-sicker


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